Dreadnok Dust-Up Day 4: The Leftovers

Well, here we are, only two reviews to wrap up the entire Dreadnok box set! Which is good, because I ran out of jokes one and a half posts ago.  I kinda had a hard time working up to this one, because the content... I'm not the biggest fan. I've been a 'Nok fan for a quarter century at this point, and I just can't get excited about these last couple of figures. But that's just the exhaustion speaking- Like a runner at the last leg I've got to keep going! But I won't be quite done yet- after we get these two out of the way, I'm going to attempt to rank all of these guys from champ to chump. And maybe we'll have another surprise for you. Let's get get on our Scoots and get this show on the road!

The final entrants into the ranks of the Dreadnoks we have are Burn Out and Zanzibar. Zanzibar I'm sure you'll remember from his classic 1987 incarnation, not that you'd recognize this new version as an update unless you were told. Burn Out did have a figure previously, in the GI Joe vs. Cobra line, but he doesn't even warrant a Joepedia page! I'd have been just as happy, hell, even happier if they'd left this guy out entirely and spent that money on a few new molds to up the quality on a couple of the other figures in the pack. Alright, I think I've lowered your expectations enough- let's get right down to the real nitty gritty.

"Alright, ladies, get your dollar bills ready for Plunderin' Pete the Pirate!"

Oooph. What a freaking mess. Born Morgan Teach, Zanzibar was pretty much cursed to a life of Piracy the moment he was named. Born on a garbage scow and the pettiest of petty criminals (he steals loose change from the rest of the gang while they sleep), the original ARAH Zanzibar was equipped with a very impressive looking set of body armour, and of course his signature top-knot. Now, he's got the exposed abs and fauxhawk of the newest cast member of the Jersey Shore or the Real World. From the waist down they got right- The first time I saw the Iron Grenadiers Destro I knew his legs would someday be used for Zanzibar- They're just so Piratey. And the colour scheme seals the deal. But the upper half? Something is wrong with this picture.

"That's right kids, it's time for everyone's favourite special needs bucaneer, Spunky!"

Seriously, the fauxhawk really bugs me. Is this guy a badass privateer or the Miz at a Halloween party? And then we have the Sci-Fi looking shoulder pads. It looks like his holographic assistant should be projected from those purple things. I don't get this look at all. I'm almost positive they were working on something else that got cancelled, and threw this on Zanzibar in a "Screw it, close enough" move. The removable flintlock pistol is cool, but in a pretty inconvenient spot for a quick draw. And when you only get one shot, I think that draw speed counts for a fair amount. But that's getting into splitting hairs.

Like Gnawgahyde, the knife in the small in the back. Cool beans.

His gear is limited but appropriate, he has Destro's sword and pistol to match the legs, and the aforementioned flintlock and knife round things out. I kinda miss the old hammer, not so much the spear, but the sword makes sense. Nothing special to see here, but nothing bad, either.

So the verdict on Zanzibar? Do you have to ask at this point? The only reason to own this guy is buying the box set. If you're cherry picking the set, leave this guy marooned on the dealer's page. Now what about our second reject?

Burn Out is the Dreadnok's resident mechanic. He gets the typical Dreadnok backstory- loves destruction, hates society, etc., etc. The main reason I lumped this guy in the leftover pile is because the character is a) Almost totally unfamiliar to me and b) Totally boring. Really, this is a pretty good looking figure- the PoC Recondo body suits the new headsculpt nicely, and the new headsculpt is actually one of the best I've seen.

Mean as hell and with a lethal dose of attitude, this headsculpt, like Zanya's, show the advances made in the last few years in the casting technology used by Hasbro and other companies. And compared to the classic ARAH line? I never would have imagined we'd get the level of detail these sculpts achieve.

And then they blow it by sticking him with a remold of Torch's blowtorch. At least he can hold the damn thing. There's not much to speak of for the accessories this time around, just the blowtorch and backpack and a pretty cool little shotgun which actually fits in his hand beautifully.

I managed to bend the hose the first time putting it in. Smooth.

I'm one step closer to my Raising Arizona Leonard Smalls custom!

So I'm actually going to throw a recommendation to this figure. He feels like kind of an afterthought in the set, and like I said before I'd happily sacrifice him for some improvements in other areas of the set, but overall he's worth your time.

If you only pay attention to this part, this is a pretty good figure!

 So there we have it! The whole classic Dreadnok team, plus a couple of additions, all represented in the new style. I love that, once again, I've become part of Habro's target audience- once I was a young boy with aggression issues, and now I'm a nostalgic adult keen to recreate some part of that childhood. I also love that Habro, like they did years ago, seem to understand just what I want and seem to be dedicated to giving it to me. So now every time I hear news of a new release, where I once might have been a little blase about the news, I'm now really excited to find out what they're dropping next. And that, my friends, is how you build brand loyalty. Every scrambling business in every industry should take a good look at what people like Hasbro, Valve and Lucasfilm do- They cater to us enough that when they pull something ridiculous, we may bitch, and we may complain, but we always, and I mean always, come back for more.

That was a freaking exhausting undertaking, but I'm glad to have accomplished it. Thirteen figures, thirteen reviews. Some good, some not so much (that's both the figures and my reviews, of course), but finished! Or, almost finished! When I was composing the last post I came up with the idea of ranking these guys. It was hard, it was labourious work made possible by the addition of beer, but I managed to do it. So without further ado, the Dreadnoks from worst to first.

13- Zanzibar. Do I really need to go over  all this again? Scroll up if you want an explanation.

12- Monkeywrench. I know I was pretty positive about the guy in my review, but as long as he's got that head, he's doomed to the bottom of the list.

11- Zandar. From the scarf that should be worn by the Art critic for the New Yorker to the dull headsculpt, this guy is a big bag of missed opportunities.

10- Gnawgahyde. The "mild mannered" (thanks Toys and Bacon) head ruins what would otherwise be a... Well, pretty mediocre figure.

9- Burn Out. Nothing wrong with the toy, it's a pretty solid entry, really. But the character it's based on is pretty blah.

8- Ripper. Again, I think this is largely a similar case to Burn Out. Ripper was always a distant third for me when it came to the original Dreadnoks, so maybe that's the reason it leaves me kinda cold. Or maybe it's not so great.

7- Thrasher. Like Gnawgahyde, an overly friendly face messes things up. Things are overall pretty high quality here, just the defining parts (the head and armour) are a little... Lacking.

6- Torch. In this case, it's the defining parts that make the figure. A great looking biker vest and headsculpt save this Gung-Ho repaint from the trash bin.

5- Buzzer. The coolest of the original trio gets the best figure of the trio. A couple of annoying details and a couple of majorish flaws keep this guy from greatness, however.

4- Zanya. A great figure with an absolutely amazing headsculpt, this figure is only edged out of the top three because she's not quite as fantastic as the other three. She's fantastic, and you must add her to you collection now. Do it.

3- Road Pig. Almost a masterpiece, this is a shining example of how to do a repaint right. I really miss that crossbow, though.

2- Zarana. This loving recreation of the only competition the Baroness ever had for my young heart ever had is perfect in every detail. I overpaid for her (found her the day she shipped for $15 cheaper!) but you know what? I'm kinda glad. Makes me appreciate her more.

1- Zartan. The Hall of Heroes line was meant to represent the very best Hasbro had to offer, and Zartan is one where I'd say they nailed that. As I said before, he's responsible for me caving into my fandom, so how can I place him anywhere beside the top of the list? He's freaking Zartan!

Whew! There you have it! You know what? Something just occurred to me- 13 Dreadnoks, 13 original Joes. Maybe another multipart post in the near future? Hmmm.... Jesus, I should get my head checked. I think I'd better get back to a few individual reviews before I undertake something like this again. To wrap up once and for all, I'm really glad to have all of these guys in my collection, and I'm even glad to have the ones that didn't turn out so well. If Zanzibar, Zandar and the others had been perfect too, my collection would be complete. And any collector knows that's the worst thing that can happen. We know it's the thrill of the hunt that drives any collector.

Hey! Didn't I promise you guys a surprise? Okay, okay, here we go. I realized I had one more Dreadnok in my collection to talk about- Pursuit of Cobra Zartan.

I think you can see the second head peeking out of his satchel. Zartan's bag is pretty serial killery.

I decided to review this fella seperately as he doesn't really fit in with the whole recreation of the classic feel the others have- He's more of a reimagining, Tim Burton style. Except without 3D poorly added for no good reason. But he also ties closely to the Dreadnok Battle set as they reuse his legs more than once in that box. Zartan as a swamp dwelling Shaman actually works really well- It fits his original character while still being its own thing. I'm not sure how well it fits in with the mostly realistic PoC line, but it's as close as they could get with a character like Zartan.

Like most of the PoC line, Zartan is loaded with details and accessories. There's little things that line did that just made me really happy- like painting Zartan and Dusty's skin as though they're sunburned. Just great attention to detail. We've got a pretty nice if now pretty standard Zartan head here, I like the grey/blue for the eye designs rather than the classic black. Blends with the new look much better. Speaking of the new look- Check that hood! Where the big Z previously had a fairly pointless hood attached to nothing at all, this version's hood actually makes sense. The little braids and charms woven in there just cap off an already great piece of gear. Speaking of gear...

Okay, it's not a ton of gear like you see on Beachhead or the Shock Trooper, but it's a pretty mean arsenal nonetheless. He's got a brutal little rifle with a double clip and side mounted flashlight and a pretty nothing pistol, but I particularly like the twin machetes and the addition of a little feathered friend.

Nothing to worry about.

About to become a flurry of feathers and very very sharp points.

But the coolest of Zartan's gear is a solution to his long time problem- Those masks couldn't fool anyone. So instead, they give Zartan a whole new head.

Just your average citizen!

The addition of the second vest makes this Zartan's transformation maybe the first convincing one in GI Joe toy history. He really does look like a different person. A person who still would look suspicious as hell to almost anyone, but still a different person. This is a great addition to a really great and imaginative line that I miss quite a bit. I know I go on and on about the 30th anniversary stuff, and I'm going to continue to, the Pursuit of Cobra line provided a fresh and really creative approach to GI Joe that was just familiar enough to be able to get away with taking some pretty cool chances. Another example of how the last few years have been a really great time to be a Joe fan.

Dreadnok Dust-Up Day 3: New Recruits

I wasn't the only youngster fascinated by the grape soda chugging, chocolate donut scarfing misfits also known as the Dreadnoks. And Hasbro took notice. 86-89 were chock full of new additions to the Dreadnok lineup; and I collected them all. For the last couple of years the Dreadnok section of my Joe shelves always looked a little empty, but thanks to Hasbro's Dreadnok Battle Set, we get to fill in the gaps, and then some. Today- we look at the best these new recruits have to offer.

Mean bastards, every one of them. I always thought it was interesting how quickly the Biker aesthetic was replaced by Punk trappings when Zarana & Zandar entered the picture. The original 'Noks were a cool mix of looks, but there was always a bit of Biker in there, whereas later additions to the team were pretty much all punk all the time. But one of the new additions took that Biker look all the way home, and his name was Monkeywrench.

So here he is- The lone Rise of Cobra figure in my collection. Monkeywrench and Thrasher were the first new additions to the Dreadnok lineup, and so I've always held them both in pretty high regard. With that in mind, I can see why a lot of people want a redo on this one. The body is fine, some people complain that the grenade bandolier has the wrong number of grenades, or that he's missing his calf scarves, but I don't have a problem with that. Now, the head, on the other hand...

I don't know if you recognize this guy, but let me introduce you to 25th anniversary Outback, but with a new paintjob. He originally had Outback's full beard, too, but that was before I took an exacto knife to him. I screwed up the goatee and made it too square, but it's still an improvement. And further improvement was made when I managed to wrangle a pair of shades for him.

Just gotta get that silver paint!

Okay, I can live with that. He's a pretty good adaptation of Monkeywrench, pretty vanilla though. He's just Gung-Ho's body with the massive improvement of adding Xamot/Tomax's arms. Without the very nice vest, he'd look like a random shirtless dude. Not much gear to speak of on this guy, just what you see him wearing and the Eels speargun. Once again, it's deep in my weapons bin somewhere, and not really much to look at anyway. I gave him a little pump action shotgun from Marauder John. Not much else to say about this guy- He's probably the least faithful to the original figure of the modern Dreadnoks, but he'll do. I'll probably get a custom head for mine at some point, though. Moving along, we get into the new box set-

It's the driver of one of my favourite ARAH vehicles, the Thunder Machine, Thrasher! Or, as he's apparently known these days, Thunder. I guess they lost the rights to the Thrasher name. Maybe the magazine was going to be a legal hassle? Is Thrasher Magazine even still around?  Anyway, a spoiled rich kid who just wants to make trouble and destroy things, Thrasher (I'm not going to call him Thunder) was introduced in 1986 with the aforementioned Thunder Machine. Obviously inspired by the Road Warrior, or maybe the Road Warriors, Thrasher was an instant favourite for me. And the new one? Well, he's a decent frankenfigure, once again, only the head is a new part here, but he captures the spirit of the original pretty well. I've got a few gripes though...

"Hello, neighbour. Just let me take my spiked sweater off and change into my slippers."

Okay, this headsculpt? It's just so... Friendly. They captured Thrasher's greaser hair beautifully, but the face looks like he's about to serve you lemonade on a hot day, not like he drives a car with twin miniguns on the hood. I guess the original had that aspect to him, but come on. Let's frowny up those eyebrows a bit, at least!

And speaking of friendly, I'm sorry, but his football/apocalypse pads are just so comically undersized now, I can't take them seriously in the least. The originals were bulky and intimidating, these are just... Laughable. So basically, other than the only two things that actually identify him as Thrasher, this is a pretty good figure. He only has the one accessory, but it's a doozy.

I must say, that makes up for pretty much any complaints I have about the figure. Talk about brutal! A fantastic raising of the stakes on the classic version. And speaking of raising the stakes-

Well, Road Pig was probably the most requested Dreadnok over the last few years, and Hasbro did not mess around. He is a repaint (except for the all new head, of course), but at least they dug into the back catalogue to pull out Rise of Cobra Night Adder to base this guy on. And it works like gangbusters. They let the accessories tell the story, and what a tale it is.

The classic cinderblock sledgehammer make its return here, and it looks just plain awful. Don't misunderstand me- It's an amazing piece of sculpture, in fact it's so amazing I simply can't help imagining the real thing being swung into my skull when I see it. Damn that's unsettling.

Also included are a sword, for some reason I simply cannot comprehend, and a replacement for his old spiky buckler, a bashed up street sign. It's a cool addition, but I do miss his old gear, especially the wrist crossbow. While we're discussing spiky things-

I don't even want to know how he gets his hair to stand up like that.

I love this headsculpt- It captures the dopey, violent nature of the big mean sonofabitch perfectly. Look at the confused expression in the eyes. Great stuff- Hasbro simply knocked it out of the park with this one. Probably the highlight of the box set (well, a close race with Zanya, anyway), this guy is a stone cold must have. I probably should have ended the post with him, in fact. But instead, for simple laziness reasons, I'm ending with-

The second casualty in the great name copyright battles, we have Gnawgahyde! You can call him Gnaw if you like, but I'm going to go ahead and use his classic name. I never really felt this guy fit in with the other Dreadnoks- He's got no biker or punk stylings, and really, he would have worked just was well as a straight ahead Cobra operative. But the Dreadnoks were hot at the time, and so he gets a backstory filled with poor personal hygiene and in the gang he goes. I guess he does fit the swamp milieu the 'Noks have going for them. I was actually going to include this guy in the final installment of this review series, seeing as he's kind of a throwaway, character wise, but I threw him in here because he's actually a pretty high quality figure.

A solid headsculpt, no complaints here, but a little plain jane compared to most of the rest of the box. I like that his hat is still removable, although I think the ARAH model was a little snappier. Like the rest of the box, he's a frankenfigure, and like most of the box, he pulls it off. Again, without the vest and hat he'd just be random shirtless guy, but with them? Solid Gnawgahyde!

A nice detail is the sheath in the small of the back with removable knife, as well as the molded fur all around the collar and down the back.Not much for accessories with this guy, just the hat, knife and a pretty nice hunting rifle.

Missing are his machete, which was possibly the most wicked of any of the ARAH blades, his bow and scabbard, which is a real missed opportunity for them to update him to a nice compound bow, but the biggest gap is his pet boar! It never had a name, as far as I know, but it was my favourite of any of the old ARAH "pets". This boar was so badass it even wore earrings! Ah well. That's the thing with this box set- It's got some real high points, but it's just filled with missed opportunities. So should you add Gnawgahyde to your collection? Hell yeah! He's one of the lazier figures in the Dreadnok lineup, but he's made from such great parts (PoC Zartan, jungle Duke & SS) that a bit of that greatness can't help but rub off.

So the Dreadnok lineup continues to be strong. The Dreadnok Battle Set box was a real gift to those of us who favour the outcasts. Next time we finish up the box with a couple of the lower points, and we're going to do an overall ranking of all the 'Noks available in the modern format. Thanks for reading- talk at you again soon!

"Just pretend you can't hear him!"